Hey Famifriends!
Today, we’re sharing notes from a throwback live stream we did in 2022: “How to Resolve Marital Conflict.” We literally hit “Go Live” while working through our own communication hiccup. 😅 Talk about transparency!
🚨 The Big Myth-Buster: Perfect Communication ≠ Zero Conflict
“The people who are very successful in marriage are not the people who never disagree—but the ones who learn how to disagree agreeably.“ – Jalen
Spoiler: Conflict is inevitable and necessary. It’s like iron sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:17)—there’s friction, but it makes you both sharper. Good communication isn’t about avoiding storms; it’s about navigating them together.
🔑 Keys to Transform Your Communication and Your Marriage (Straight from Our Hearts)
1. You’re Both Toddlers at Heart (Yes, Really)
- We’re all born self-centered. Like toddlers snatching toys, we see the world through our lens.
- Example: ROAD RAGE! Someone cuts you off → You assume malice. But there are infinite possibilities you’ll never know. They could honestly have not seen you!
- Fix: Choose curiosity over judgment. “Help me understand your perspective.” Your spouse's perspective is valid because it’s real. It's not about who's right or wrong just yet. It's about understanding one another.
2. Plans Change with Life’s Changes
- New baby? New job? New stress? Your dynamic evolves!
- Pro Tip: Sit down, make a plan, and expect to revisit it. We’ve had the same convo multiple times—each round brings new revelation.
3. Processing Styles Clash? That’s Normal!
Jalen
Problem-solver 🚀
Bulldozes to fix it fast
Cacie
Analyzer 🔍
Digs to the emotional root, needs time to process
Key: Make room for each other’s style. Assuming they “don’t care” = temptation to misjudge.
4. Words: Build Up or Break Down? You Choose.
- Vocabulary ≠ communication mastery. (Jalen’s big words sometimes need a dictionary! 📖)
- Cacie’s Hair Stylist Wisdom: Adapt like you’re talking to a client. Use kind words to build trust.
- Treat your spouse like your best customer—Chick-fil-A level service, please! 🍟
5. The Secret Sauce? God’s Word as Your Marriage Constitution
- Your perspectives? Ever-changing.
- Absolute truth? The Bible.
- When you clash, defer to Scripture. That’s how we always land in agreement.
- No foundation? You’re just two opinions fighting for control.
6. Practical Hacks We’ve Used with Couples
- 20-Minute Talk Rule: Set a timer. Talk about anything (TV show, hobbies, dreams) except your daily routines (kids schedule, what's for dinner, budgeting). Journal after. Repeat daily.
- Schedule the Hard Stuff: “Let’s talk finances Saturday at 10 AM.” Prep, stay clear-headed, aim for understanding.
- Pause & Play: Can’t breakthrough? Hit pause. Don't try to force the issue. Revisit the conversation at a later date. You’re on the same team.
7. Surrender = Strength (Not Defeat)
- Try this: Next time you can't agree on a course of action: compromise. “Okay, let’s try it your way.” No punishment if it flops—just learn.
- Team language:“We” made this choice. “We” try again.
💡 Final Truth Bomb: You Never Fully Know Your Spouse
“However long you’ve been married, you don’t know them fully yet. Pursue discovery—always.”
Every year, they’re a new version. Assume you’ve “figured them out”? You lose respect. Stay curious. Stay in love.
🎯 Your Action Step This Week
- Watch this video with your spouse: Click here
- Try the 20-Minute Talk Rule tonight—no bills, no kids, no work.
- Reply to this email: What’s one thing you can do to be a better communicator? We read every response!
Still in love, still growing, still your marriage cheerleaders,
Jalen & Cacie 💍
P.S. Leave a like a comment on the video so we know you watched!
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